Friday, June 13, 2014

May 27, 2014

Today's walk was interesting. I came to the park/library because it's my favorite place to walk and where i'd been doing 3 to 4 miles a few weeks ago, now I barely completed 2 miles before I'd had enough.

Now, notice that I didn't say that I was too tired. The reality is that walking isn't particularly exhausting. I get sweaty, I can get winded, and I can get tired, but the truth is that pushing my body to the limit isn't something I've ever really come up against. There's a definite psychology behind physical efforts that I want to work on.

What I mean is that there is the usual effort of getting off my butt to go and do some exercise. The procrastination side of this obstacle has been analyzed and beaten to a bloody pulp. But what about the part that addresses endurance? I've established that I'm out of shape, so I'm not talking about anything impractical like expecting me to run a marathon. I was just thinking that so far, I've set my goals to be dictated by schedule. Meaning, I started with an expectation of 30 minutes of walking because that's what doctors say is a good average to work with. Then I extended the walk time because in 30 minutes, I'd fall just short of the two mile mark. So then I shifted my goal to be a 2-mile walk, regardless of time. Then I started doing 5Ks and found that I always walk a perfect 1hour/3mile. That became my default walk because it was a nice and neat little, round number goal on both counts: time and distance.

Here's the thing. When I finish the 3 miles, I'm never exactly collapsing or feeling like I can't take another step. I'm always still perfectly capable of walking across the park, stadium, canyon where the walk took place to get to my car. So, the reality is that the word "tired" is actually one that refers to my level of interest. Once I've met my goal, my brain shifts and tells me that I'm done here and can stop. This means that, really, I stop because I don't want to go on any more, not because I can't go on any more.

To take it one step further, this means that as much as I've at least gotten off my butt and been somewhat proactive about being less sedentary, I've also been too lenient on myself and am kidding myself in terms of my actually making a real effort.

Take this morning's walk, for instance. I've walked up to 4 miles in the past, and still not been (the true definition of ) exhausted. Even then, I could have continued. So, for me to have just called it quits today at the 2 mile mark is a cop-out. I wasn't tired. I was bored/uninterested/uninspired/unmotivated and excused myself from further effort even though i'd barely broken a sweat.

I think I need to shift how I experience physical exercise. I need to work towards learning where my real limits are, not the mental ones. For example, the 5K that I did last summer was on a very hot day and with no shade. I really did have to slow my pace so as not to overheat, and then when I reached the end, I sat under some bleachers for a while to cool down and stabilize my heart rate as well as core temperature. I honestly felt like I wouldn't be able to walk all the way across the valley to my car, even with the promise of AC. I was physically at one of my limits: heat. With heat exhaustion and fainting in my history, I knew not to push further from this edge.

Outside of heat, I have not really pushed for a physical limit in terms of stamina. I was thinking I might try a 10k next, just to keep working towards a healthier view of my own expectations. If my only concern is sun and heat, I can focus on participating on night events because the evenings are cool and that takes out that issue all together. It's also why I like early morning walks, when there is still dew and the air is cool.

This realization, this morning has really disappointed me. I'm so demanding when it comes to being self-aware and not excusing myself from progress or hiding behind mood swings to blame for stagnation. Yet, I've neglected my physical health such that I have let myself believe that any half-assed attempt is enough. It is not. My health is primary. This is the only body I get and I don't want to be 5 years down the line, blaming genetics or a progression of ailments on my deteriorating health and growing inactivity. It's a vicious circle that I have no interest in indulging and will stop as best I can.

May 25, 2014


Night #3 of nature cam and still no culprit. I'm fascinated to discover just how active our backyard is after sundown. I haven't included our own two cats and dog in this montage, nor the four other opossums that made an appearance.

May 24, 2014


And then eat them, of course. 

I've never made them at all, campfire or not.

May 24, 2014


Somewhere I have a rapidly growing file of playbills to all the theater, musical, opera productions that I go to. I have this idea that I want to make something out of all the covers but I'm not sure what yet, so I'm waiting for the imagination to ferment. The easy and obvious choice would be a sort of quilt, but that's too predictable plus I don't want something that would require display space. My teen years' phase of posters on bedroom walls are long past and I'm trying to think of something a bit more practical but interesting. I'll let it come to me.

Last night was great fun. I hadn't gone out with my friend in a while. I'd seen her but mostly we'd been visiting each other for dinner or BBQs. We hadn't been to something eventful for a couple of months so it was good to get out into the streets of LA and do some laughing.

We were (I was) wrong about the traffic. We made it to Hollywood in a record breaking 45 minutes which meant we had another 45 to kill and since Pink's Hot Dogs is right off of Melrose, we just back tracked a couple of miles and went to get a late night snack:

We had time to do the line wait, sit in the patio and eat, and then drive back to the show venue. I don't know who these people are in the picture. We were standing behind them in line to go into the comedy club here and chatting with the couple behind us who we ended up getting seated with.



I decided to get mildly tipsy. I've never been much for getting drunk. My usual line is at three. I'm not that big a girl so if I don't eat, it can go right to my head quickly. With that said, I can actually hold my liquor surprisingly well. I'm comfortable with three drinks and can make them last all night but if I drink more, there's not much more effect, I sort of plateau. I'm me, only moreso, is what my friends say. Last night I had a house drink plus a pear ale that they were pushing. It was better than I thought it'd be. But it was huge, served in a pilsner glass that you then get to take home. I asked if I could just get a regular glass since I wasn't interested in keeping the glass but that wasn't an option. On the plus side, they were good, sturdy, dense quality glass and not the kind with some cheesy engraving serving as propaganda. They were actually cool. No markings, and well made. Of course, we left them at our table on our way out, not even thinking to take them with us. Ah well. I had planned on giving mine to my friend to give to her boyfriend because he is a beer connoisseur. I figured if I gave her mine, they'd at least have a pair. It would have just been a random glass in my cupboard.

Got home equally quickly and was getting into bed by 1:30. Far too late to do the nature cam set up in the darkness of the yard, so I just threw out a short, "Don't get eaten!" out my window and hoped for the best. This morning I went out early to see them and they are all fine. I fed and watched them for a while. It was 60 degrees, early in the morning and I was in shorts and a verrrrrry thin pj blouse. (Thin enough that I was making a mental note to get back to my room before others woke up and we crossed in the hallway). The cool air felt so lovely, a light dew hoovering in the air. I love that time of the day. There's such a calm silence. Even the birds aren't yet in their mid-day symphonic frenzy.

May 22, 2014

I've started a list.  It is written with a sense of whimsy and desire to remedy some silly oversights that I continue to discover/realize about myself once in a while.  Every-day kinds of experiences that most people have had that for whatever reason (maybe cultural, maybe access) I still haven’t experienced, myself.

This is a list of Simple Things I've Never Gotten Around To (STINGA).

This list will be organically documented. I have no set number. All I can do is add another item to the list when it presents itself. It’ll be a living list. It will be slow-to-build list with points that are going to make themselves known to me as I go about my quotidian ways.

We'll start with one that I've mentioned in the past and still hasn't happened:


This was sparked by some pictures my mom was showing me of my parents' trip through the Baltic Sea last summer. I'm not sure where it was taken - Russia, Estonia, Denmark - somewhere, there's a picture of my dad flying a kite. My mom was laughing and telling me how gleeful he was that day. There's also another picture of him in Mexico last month, on a tree swing. Dad's 83. My dad never grew up and it's one of my absolutely favorite things about him. I believe that I can proudly say that this seems to be one of the characteristics of his that overlap with mine and which I like. He has a playfulness about him plus he will try anything once.

May 20, 2014 (Continued)

New babies. Six Golds, two Shubunkins, two High Fin Banded Sharks (not a shark). The only survivors of the last free meal are the guppies, so they're still in there swimming around with not a care in the world. Probably too small to see and squirrely to catch. The joke has become that we're going to end up with a fountain full of guppies we can barely see.

This fish mystery has become quite the project. I’ve just purchased a nature cam on amazon but it won’t arrive until Thursday. Mom says she’s going to put a tarp over the fountain at night which I don’t see as much of a deterrent except in the hopes that I might hear rustling from my bedroom window. Then we went to our neighbor’s to borrow her baby monitor (long shot since daughter is 7 now) and of course, she just recently gave it away. I just wanted something to see me through Thursday when we get the cam.
There’s a chill tonight so I’ve closed my windows but I’m going to open one after all and maybe the added obstacle of a plastic tarp will make enough noise to alert me in the event of a visitor.

There are a number of suspects so far:

I’m betting on opossums simply because they’re nocturnal and that’s when the fish have been disappearing.

Yes, owls and predatory birds are nocturnal as well but I’ve never seen an owl around here and although there is an active and local red-shouldered hawk, I think that a hawk catching fish would make for at least a little bit of commotion and splashing.

The people at the fish store and the guy at the camera shop all said that raccoons often eat pond fish but, again, I’ve never seen a raccoon in this specific area. They’re in Huntington Beach and I’ve seen them along the coastal cities, but as much as we have quite the active population of fauna in our yard, raccoons have never been spotted.

A new suspect was added to the lineup this evening. After we introduced the new fish babies to the fountain and were letting them settle in, I came back inside and mom did some minor gardening. Not long after, she yelled at me from the yard that there was a crow up in the phone cables, directly over the fountain. Crows are not allowed in the backyard. The mockingbirds are very strict about that rule. Crows belong in the front yard. They’re never allowed to perch for very long in any of the neighboring roofs, cables, or the big telephone pole nearest us. They are always aggressively chased away. But I’m wondering if a gap in scheduling could give them a window of opportunity either late in the evening or early in the morning, when the mockingbirds are sleeping and the crows can sneak in for a brief moment.

I’ve told Cleo that this lack of attention to invaders has put her in real danger of not having her contract renewed. She doesn't seem particularly troubled by this announcement. There was a half-assed tail wag and a u-turn back into the living room in a pleasant trot. I guess the “we love all animals” training in her earlier years sunk in a little too well. She is currently snoring.


Feel free to place your bets, by the way.


Later that evening, the question of Cleo's inactivity prompted me to check my records and, sure enough, there's a notation in Cleo's file about her agreed-upon retirement date. Seems she's been off duty for the last couple of years and I've not only neglected to mark the occasion but have unfairly continued to expect her to meet her obligations. We discussed my error this morning and she - ever gracious - has accepted my apologies with little ado. She says that while she does enjoy the occasional posturing and chasing of a foreign element, her senses aren't what they used to be so it would be unfair of her to promise or commit to the level of quality that she once was able to meet. I thanked her for her candor and reiterated my regret at my oversight. There were some kisses on my knee and now, having done her (informal) rounds of the backyard, she is napping again.

May 20, 2014 and still backtracking...

Waiting for mumsy to return from some errands. We're going to go get more fish babies to replace the ones that got eaten again by some foreign predator...

I'm going to put a night vision motion activated camera out there to see what the heck is going on. The last batch that we had for a whole 4 days was during the heat wave which means that I slept with both windows wide open and only yards away from the fountain. I heard nothing so this bugger is coming around during the wee hours of the morning when I'm most likely in my deepest sleep.

This has become a battle of wills. So far:
Mystery Predator: like 6 or something
Me: zero.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

April 22, 2014 - The Butter of the Gods


Currently, I'm drooling, tearing, and dripping from the nose. I've made guacamole from the only avocado I had standing by. I went out into the yard with a flashlight, hoping to find another avocado that might be ripe and ready to add to the bowl, but the only one that looked even close was hard as a rock. I've brought it in but set it aside to ripen in the next few days. This means I had to do with the already smooshed, small avocado and the already diced huge jalapeno. I used two roma tomatoes instead of one, in the hopes of bulking up the tiny concoction, but it seems to have done very little to dilute the capsaicin so I'm washing down the tortilla chips and guacamole with orange-ade which is actually mandarin-ade from the mandarins in the yard.

You'd think I'd give up, but I've pretty much downed the whole bowl and am pretty happy.

March 31, 2014 - Part Dos

So, the more I work on stuff, the more I declutter and also enjoy some creative time. All this craft time had me brainstorming and then I fell in love with a shed. Yes, a shed. I really, really, really, really want this.

Instead of a green house, i'd make a studio out of it. It would fit perfectly in the far corner of the yard and it's exactly the room I need to keep making things and even just to do some writing. The only obstacle is that I can find it for $1800 at the lowest and although I have it, I'm struggling with justifying the purchase. Plus,
it would mean I'd have to take dad's two small makeshift sheds down and he'd be miffed at that. So, I'm thinking of waiting until he returns and then showing him what I want. If I propose that buying a smaller one for him, organized and not made of of scrap and then putting this one in front of his, he might go for it. With dad, I think sometimes he needs to see a finished product and he'll be more receptive. I think just telling him to get rid of that eyesore puts him a defensive level, and he argues that it serves a purpose. He doesn't understand that purpose can also be attractive until he sees it. Plus, I think that there's a certain amount of lead that my dad will follow when I'm the lead. I'm less intrusive than mom and rarely ask anything of him. My approach is usually not coming from a judgemental/naggin place but from inspiration, which he can relate to more willingly.

In any case, this has been my obsession all weekend. I keep imagining how i'd organize the space: drawers of media, bulletin board, shelves for bins and books. *sigh*

There should be a Santa for big people.

March 31, 2014 - What I've Been Up To



A couple of fridays ago, a friend and I went to Paleyfest, an event put on by the Paley Center, a museum/library archive of film and television. They organize a series of panel events in theaters around LA/Hollywood, inviting cast and creators of popular TV shows. Last year I went to see the cast of The Newsroom (HBO) and this year the only show my friend and I were interested in seeing was the cast of Mad Men. So we went to that and they showed the last episode of last season to refresh our memories on where we left off and then they brought out the cast and did the interview and then there was a Q&A.

Meanwhile, back at home, I've brought down more boxes from the garage and pulled out the ones under my bed and have shuffled through everything and re-sorted what goes where, what is for keeping, what I haven't even looked at and can be disposed of, etc. I made two boxes just of craft/projects that I can go to when I'm bored and have some time (like now) so now I don't just have random project ideas in various drawers, boxes, bins all over. Now things are consolidated and I know what I have and have even bundled the items of one project together in large zipper bags so as to have them organized. Whatever project I want to work on, I just pull out that bag and I can do that. They are little things like spray painting a mini-bulletin board/key holder for my bedroom entrance, designing a hanging shelf tier for the tiny corner of my bedroom that is going unused, and creating a bouquet for one of the shelves. That kind of thing.




I pulled two projects out last night and worked on those. One was a Jenga game for my client/friend. She says her family likes the game and I asked her if she's played with "fun instructions" and she didn't know what I was talking about. So I bought a set of Jenga tiles and made two versions of the game. I wrote numbers on the ends of the tiles so that when the tower falls, instead of counting tiles, everyone adds up the numbers on their tiles to see who won. The second version is to write silly instructions on some tiles, not all. If you get a tile with an instruction you have to do what it says, like do a cartwheel, sing a nursery song, etc. I'll give it to her today when she comes over with her payment.

I also made silly spa gifts for two other friends. Years ago... and I do mean years... we did a road trip to the Salton Sea. It was only a day trip but we left at 6am to have a hefty pancake breakfast at a dive before the 400 mile round trip into the desert. I insisted on driving because to me a road trip is mostly fun if I get to drive. By the time we got back home, 20 roadside stops later, it was 1am and our last leg had been through a mountainous state park just north of the border which I'd hoped we wouldn't have to take in the dark... but we did. We had such a blast. Our purpose was to stop along the way to see any kitschy touristy stuff like the dinosaur-shaped museum, the anti-gravity hill, the oldest orange tree in California, etc. There's some pretty hilarious video of me falling, pictures of lots of roadside food, and even some science experiments. 

Anyway, the destination was supposed to be the mud flats on the east side of the lake but when we got there, they weren't bubbling. They'd gone dry for the season so we just walked around and saw lots of dirt. But it was this powdery, clay consistency, and since the whole point was that they are rich in minerals, we looked around and pulled a bucket that I conveniently had in my trunk and filled it with the dry clay and brought it home. Well the damned bucket has been in my trunk all this time and I finally got around to buying some really beautiful heavy glass jars and have distributed the clay for each of them. I've added some honey straws and some recipes for home-made facials that they can try. Tied the honey straws and recipes to a lovely ribbon around the jar neck and they are ready to go.

March 16, 2014 - A Cuppa



It's hard to burn tea, but I managed.

We make herbal teas a lot in Mexico, instead of green or black teas which are true teas. In this case I had dried mint and we actually toss the dried leaves in to a small (quart) pan with water and let boil.

But my tutoring client arrived and we settled into start our lesson and I forgot the dang pot on the stove so the water was evaporating and leaving the brown herbal deposits on the sides of the pot and almost completely reduced to just the leaves.

Sheesh.

I managed to find a few dandelions in the yard yesterday and made a tea but I don't think there were enough (I had about 12) to get a strong flavor. It was pretty mild and when I added honey it was just sweeter without accenting the flavor. I'll have to try again.

March 14, 2014 - Pi Day! (I'm all over the place with dates now)

Back from grocery shopping and only 35 bucks poorer. God bless the Vietnamese market. Their produce and fresh meats are silly cheap. Of course it smells like dead animals over by the butcher section but that's because...well...there are dead animals. I had started to consider making a fish chowder instead of clam because I have a few frozen tilapias at home and might as well use what's here and not spend on the clams. But, the jar of fresh oysters is only four bucks! Small jar, of course, but then it's only little ole me that I need to feed. By the time I round out the chowder with some 'taters and celery, that's gonna feed me for two days. Happy me.

I was in line to pay and there was an older, Asian gentleman ahead of me and he stared at me for a bit (some people have been known to think I'm beautiful, you see) and then the dialog went thusly: 

Man: um, excuse me...?
Me: yeah?
Man: can you explain...(motions at my t-shirt with his finger)

Me: oh! It's a series of math equations and symbols.
Man: yeah, but I'm already stumped on the first one.
Me: it's the equation for the square root of negative one which is impossible so it's called an imaginary number represented by the letter "i".

And then I took him through the rest until we put it together, etc., and then I mentioned that I'm wearing it because today is Pi Day. Then I had to point out the date today and the number for Pi...ah! Got it.

Bet you've never seen a Mexican explain complex math to an Asian.

Also he asked if I knew of any place that has good fish tacos so I steered him towards that new place in Huntington Beach that is so good.

In (continued) honor of Pi Day, I bought a mini pie for my tutoring client so she can take it home with her after our lesson tonight. You know me. I like to go all out and nerd it up.

In a few minutes I'll make the chowder and have a light, early dinner so that I can work on tonight's lesson before my appointment. Right now, I'm on my belly, under the lemon tree, cooling off from sitting in a hot car.

May 9, 2014 - The Family Grows

I got new fish babies!

I was cleaning out the fountain earlier this morning before even going out to get the fish and I saw the hawk fly over head. Does the dang bird read minds?! I haven't even bought 'em yet!  Sheesh!

Later, I was acclimating the little guys when the crows started to gather. One at first and then it became this Hitchcock moment as they started to gather on the phone cable that crosses the back of our yard. Luckily, the mockingbirds weren't having it and asserted their no-crows-in-the-backyard rule by chasing them away.

As for the fish selection, don't laugh. I got the already accorded-to goldfish and as the guy in the exotic fish store attended to my request (I gave him the breakdown of living situation, experience, limitations, etc.,) he says to me, he says, "Take some guppies!".... "Uh... come again..." I'd always considered guppies to be sort of... well... disposable. For the ingestion of other pets like when I had a frog, a toad, a red-eared slider. Nice guy explained that they're great for eating mosquito larvae and eggs, which is why I started keeping fish in the first place, years ago. He said to just take a buck's worth and I figured what's a dollar and added them to the golds and the two high fin banded shark fish (I gave them a pep talk about helping me with maintenance of the fountain). We'll see how they do.

Obviously, May 5, 2014

 Another back-post...

To celebrate the holiday, I'm at the pho place that I usually go to (70 degrees today and that's probably as cold as it's going to get until next February) and they've re painted and gussied up the place. I asked for my usual and the gentleman taking my order asked, "where you go? I no see you" I chuckled and reminded him that it's been too hot for pho. He grimaced and lightly shook his head, "no, no too hot" and in his broken English admonished my brief absence and suggested I don't stay away again. 


This is the greatest exchange between us in about 10 years.

May 3, 2014

I'll be back-posting some prior writings that I never got around to sharing.  The next few posts will be alternatively dated, according to the actual day that they were written.

Bird watching in the yard.  We seem to have a new species but he's being awfully shy and I've only gotten one good look at him. Looked him up online and can't seem to identify the little rascal. So, I went out to refill the bird feeders (we ran out of seed as I filled the second one) and that's when dad went outside to turn off the sprinklers which was what was bringing them out of the trees, swooping and playing on the grass. Oh well. Guess I'll be on the lookout in the future.

Spring is robustly here. There are enough butterflies flitting about that I expect to see more Black Phoebes soon. They are sooo pretty. Coal black bodies with a diamond tipped patch of white on the belly. Very elegant-looking. And petite. Tuxedo birds.

And then there are the opossums. It seems we have been invaded by the prolific marsupials. A few nights ago I saw a really big one (bigger than either of my cats) behind the garage where we keep our garbage bins and pet food bins. It's prime stranger-spotting realty, as you can imagine, with odors of trash and pet food. So, going out there after dark is a 50/50 chance encounter. Proper protocol: Turn kitchen light on first. Turn outdoor light on second. Wait a few moments to give critters the chance to scurry. Ok, open the door and take out the trash and remind yourself that tomorrow you will do it before it gets dark again.

They're not aggressive but they are startling. Anything is startling if you didn't expect it to be there. The mega-possum from a few days ago, just turned around and went in the opposite direction of me, working clumsily to balance itself along the narrow surface of our tall fence. It was slow going and I knew the poor thing was more horrified by me than I was by it. So I made no sudden moves that might make it stumble or - worse - go into shock and drop mode. I quietly said hello, got Cleo's dinner, re-screwed the lid back on to the large bin, and came inside.

Two nights ago, I heard cat screeches in the yard, also after dark. Cat screeches are not unusual since we have two cats and our yard is a favorite local hang out for all manner of feline, both collared and feral. Still, if I can help it and since my bedroom window is the only one to the yard and I'm the first to know of any activity back there, I tend to go get a look if the sounds of encounters are not resolved quickly and efficiently. We mostly leave our little creatures to have their secret lives, but as they've grown older (Nala is 15-ish and Maya is 14-ish) I worry that their instincts or strength isn't what it used to be. In all fairness, neither has ever come home with battle scars. It was our beloved Griffin that used to show up with scrapes and wounds and a look that said, "you should see what the other guy looks like..." The girls are somewhat passive and don't get into much trouble so when I hear fighting I know it's visitors coming in to make trouble with each other. Often I find Nala and Maya just sitting watching it all go down and scold them for their diminished sense of territorial ownership... "Alright, you two: INSIDE, and you guys: go the heck home, your mother's looking for you!"

So, out I went a couple of nights ago, to ensure that my babies were not being cornered somewhere and to shoo away bullies, when I saw a small opossum climbing slowly up the rose tree branch, just past the avocado tree. I'd forgotten about the protocol, which applies to the back yard doors as well as the kitchen door. I'd not given any critters a chance to scurry. But this was a little guy, I thought to myself. A wee 'possum, surely adventuring and probably found himself face to face with a cat. No biggie, I says, cat's probably run off as soon as the patio light went on, I says. Except that before Little Guy made it up to the cover of the foliage, I heard said foliage move, heavily, loudly. Rustling of leaves in the avocado tree. A lot of movement. Um. Cats are stealthy. They don't move like that. And Little Guy was just reaching the upper branch of the rose tree.

I'm no rocket scientist but it was easy to conclude that Little Guy had been separated from the safety of mom and family and was trying to get back up there where all that rustling was happening. Who the heck knows what kind of opossum family reunion was going on up there and how many had been invited. I did an about face and came back inside right quick. I told the parents about our current tenants and mom was horrified. She is scared shitless of the things because they look like huge rats. We used to leave patio doors open on warm nights to help with ventilation when the AC is not really called for but now she asks me to close all doors, terrified that they'll find their way in and not wanting to get close to the door, herself, in case they are already at the threshold.

It's an exciting life we lead.