Seeing as my typing abilities are currently limited, rather than delete those messages, I thought that sharing these senseless "outbursts" would serve to entertain while I get a keyboard that isn't defective. So, what you have here are a number of non-sequiturs that I like to throw out at my friends/co-workers now and then so as to keep the stress levels down or maybe because I just don't know how to censor myself in writing:
Monday, June 6
Subject: My head’s gonna explode.
I started the day with 11 files on my desk.
I meticulously worked through each file, resolving problems: Edit the P.O. to reflect the minimum purchase requirement; edit price on the next one; request delivery date on the third; research if item is approved on the next; etc., etc…
Slowly, I worked through them, changing, editing, cancelling, updating.
Slowly, I file them away.
Slowly, I get responses from vendors…
Slowly, I pull the files back out….
I now have the same dang 11 files on my desk, all needing some kind of update or awaiting some kind of research.
I’m going in circles here.
Every day I go through the same stinkin’ eleven files and can’t break out of that circle of activity. I was supposed to work on production today. I haven’t even looked at the production report, much less printed it out.
It’s like working on a carousel.
Tuesday, June 7
Re: And now a word from our local Art Historian
(Vendor’s email excerpt):
As long as the finish on the bottle […technical babble…] should work just fine on the bottle but may not have the best ascetic appearance.
- I’m guessing he meant “aesthetic” not “ascetic,” which means a completely different thing.
- In its truest definition, “aesthetic” is not a qualitative word. It’s not supposed to mean “beautiful”. It’s supposed to refer to an aspect of a physical description, like a building’s architecture, its façade, or its engineering. A building’s aesthetic refers to its appearance, but it can have a beautiful aesthetic as well as an unattractive one.
- Unfortunately, this word has been hijacked by the world and has been used synonymously with the word “beautiful” or “attractive” and nobody gives a crap anymore.
I do, dammit.
This concludes T.A.G.’s Art Rant for today.
Thursday, June 9
Subject: Humming along...
I was watching Big Love last night and now I have that hippy song stuck in my head: “God only knows what I’d be without youuuuuuuuu..”
I’m getting visuals of daisies and crap.
Thursday, June 9
Subject: aRGHHH
For the love of all that is holy! I ran my report this morning. It was 24 pages long. I’ve worked on the first 10 pages and [production supervisor] tells me he has [processed more] orders so it should be much smaller now.
So I refresh.
It is now 32 pages long!..... AAAAAAAAAAARgheeeeeeehhhhg!!!!
Turns out [Customer Service] entered about $100M worth of orders.
*sigh*
Ok. Page 1….
Thursday, June 23
Subject: And now for some physiological self-analysis
It’s possible that after 40 years of living on this planet and indulging in the fine elixir of life, that I’m discovering the distinct possibility of being allergic to milk.
Friday, June 24
Subject: I should just go home and start over.
I’m a god awful mess this fine morning:
- I think I brought a flea to work with me. At the slightest spike in temperature we enter flea season at the lovely T.A.G. Zoo. It appears that in her infinite generosity, Cleopatra has decided to share the wealth and gifted me one crafty little parasite.
- I usually wear one ring on my middle finger, left hand, and one ring on my ring finger, right hand. Today, I seem to be retaining water and the ring I was putting on my left hand was a bit snug so I moved it over to the ring finger. I now know that this is the equivalent of waterboarding for me. It seems my anatomy simply cannot reconcile the imbalance of a ring on a finger that I’ve never worn a ring on. Writing has become a nuisance (and I’m not even left handed) and I just can’t seem to go 2 minutes without fidgeting with it to try to adjust it. Clearly, the gods have made their case and this is yet another acute clue that marriage is not for me. I’ve finally taken the damned ring off.
Wednesday, July 6
Subject: Even Sanskrit's prettier
I usually have relatively decent writing. Today I’m having one of those days in which whatever gets down on paper looks like the frantic scribblings of the lecture hall classes of the college days.
It’s strange to watch your own fingers just (*raspberry*) right in front of you and not respond with the grace that’s in your head… “I meant to write a G… how’d that T get there?”
Friday, July 8
Re: Chair dancing, anyone?
I don’t know why this song always does it for me… the one about video dancing killing the radio star. It’s such a dorky song, but it’s catchy.
Friday, July 8
Subject: Further bulletins as events warrant
And then there’s the happy-peppy songs of Florence and the Machine. Chipper, inspirational songs about rich girls seizing the world.
Make you want to simultaneously join in and roll your eyes.
Thursday, July 15
Subject: Crud
Coffee on an empty stomach, after a week of questionable digestive health… stupid choice #1 of the day.
Feels like Luke and Darth are battling it out in there, with light sabers.
Tuesday, July 19
Subject: And now, for another episode of "What's in T.A.G.'s head"
- Dammit, I think I ate too much.
- I wonder if anyone would care if I just go barefoot for the rest of the day.
- How can we possibly need so many dang labels?
- It’s 12:42 and I’m still nursing this morning’s coffee.
- Maybe I’ll just run to the printer in my nekkid feet.
- Les Miserables tonight! Whoo hoo!
- Purchasing orders take for stinkin’ ever to issue.
- I continue to stay in my office so as to avoid a wardrobe malfunction.
- I’m not even supposed to be having coffee.
And this concludes another episode of “What’s on T.A.G.’s mind”. Stay tuned for further bulletins as events warrant.
Tuesday, July 19
Subject: Every hour, on the hour
Remember when you were in grade school?
Remember how you used to use wooden pencils?
Remember how they came with the little pink eraser at the end?
Remember how you would, inevitably, wear down the eraser long before the pencil?
Remember how you could get those funky triangular-shaped erasers that you could fit over the old eraser end?
Yeah, I need one of those right now.
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