Today's walk was interesting. I came to the park/library because it's my favorite place to walk and where i'd been doing 3 to 4 miles a few weeks ago, now I barely completed 2 miles before I'd had enough.
Now, notice that I didn't say that I was too tired. The reality is that walking isn't particularly exhausting. I get sweaty, I can get winded, and I can get tired, but the truth is that pushing my body to the limit isn't something I've ever really come up against. There's a definite psychology behind physical efforts that I want to work on.
What I mean is that there is the usual effort of getting off my butt to go and do some exercise. The procrastination side of this obstacle has been analyzed and beaten to a bloody pulp. But what about the part that addresses endurance? I've established that I'm out of shape, so I'm not talking about anything impractical like expecting me to run a marathon. I was just thinking that so far, I've set my goals to be dictated by schedule. Meaning, I started with an expectation of 30 minutes of walking because that's what doctors say is a good average to work with. Then I extended the walk time because in 30 minutes, I'd fall just short of the two mile mark. So then I shifted my goal to be a 2-mile walk, regardless of time. Then I started doing 5Ks and found that I always walk a perfect 1hour/3mile. That became my default walk because it was a nice and neat little, round number goal on both counts: time and distance.
Here's the thing. When I finish the 3 miles, I'm never exactly collapsing or feeling like I can't take another step. I'm always still perfectly capable of walking across the park, stadium, canyon where the walk took place to get to my car. So, the reality is that the word "tired" is actually one that refers to my level of interest. Once I've met my goal, my brain shifts and tells me that I'm done here and can stop. This means that, really, I stop because I don't want to go on any more, not because I can't go on any more.
To take it one step further, this means that as much as I've at least gotten off my butt and been somewhat proactive about being less sedentary, I've also been too lenient on myself and am kidding myself in terms of my actually making a real effort.
Take this morning's walk, for instance. I've walked up to 4 miles in the past, and still not been (the true definition of ) exhausted. Even then, I could have continued. So, for me to have just called it quits today at the 2 mile mark is a cop-out. I wasn't tired. I was bored/uninterested/uninspired/unmotivated and excused myself from further effort even though i'd barely broken a sweat.
I think I need to shift how I experience physical exercise. I need to work towards learning where my real limits are, not the mental ones. For example, the 5K that I did last summer was on a very hot day and with no shade. I really did have to slow my pace so as not to overheat, and then when I reached the end, I sat under some bleachers for a while to cool down and stabilize my heart rate as well as core temperature. I honestly felt like I wouldn't be able to walk all the way across the valley to my car, even with the promise of AC. I was physically at one of my limits: heat. With heat exhaustion and fainting in my history, I knew not to push further from this edge.
Outside of heat, I have not really pushed for a physical limit in terms of stamina. I was thinking I might try a 10k next, just to keep working towards a healthier view of my own expectations. If my only concern is sun and heat, I can focus on participating on night events because the evenings are cool and that takes out that issue all together. It's also why I like early morning walks, when there is still dew and the air is cool.
This realization, this morning has really disappointed me. I'm so demanding when it comes to being self-aware and not excusing myself from progress or hiding behind mood swings to blame for stagnation. Yet, I've neglected my physical health such that I have let myself believe that any half-assed attempt is enough. It is not. My health is primary. This is the only body I get and I don't want to be 5 years down the line, blaming genetics or a progression of ailments on my deteriorating health and growing inactivity. It's a vicious circle that I have no interest in indulging and will stop as best I can.
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